The Great Ham Caper

My wife, Stacy, wrote a poem way back in Christmas 2006. The poem is about us and our cats, Rufus and Sam.

Stacy's poem got a lot of very nice emails, and I've rerun annually it since then. Hard to believe that since then we've moved and found a stray kitten at the milk farm up the road (or, rather, SHE adopted US) and then we rescued another stray just last month.

For auld lang syne, here is the poem again:


The Great Ham Caper
Words by Stacy Lynch
Pictures by Mike Lynch

’Twas the week before Christmas
When Rufus and Sam
Hatched a devious scheme
To make off with the ham!

The ham that would grace
The holiday table!
Roo was the brains.
Sam, wiry and able.


They devised a plan
Of Goldbergian proportions
With pulleys and weights
And kitty contortions.

And on Christmas day
They’d eat until stuffed
(The very idea
Made their tails slightly puffed!)

’Til then, they’d lay low,
Little angels to see.
But that made us suspicious –
Wouldn’t you be?


So we snooped and we sleuthed
And uncovered their caper -
“The Ham-Stealing Plan”
Diagrammed on a paper!

“No silly cat’s gonna
Steal my roast beast,”
Exclaimed Mike. “Just watch,
I’ll ruin their feast!”So he countered their scheming
With mad plans all his own
And all I could do
Was inwardly groan!

Who’d win this contest
Of wits they were planning?
Would Mike, Roo or Sam -
Be last man or cat standing?

As Christmas day dawned
The four of us waited
For the ham to be served
With breaths that were bated.

But before the main course
Could even be plated
Their plans took a turn.
Some say it was fated...

What happened to stop them
So cold in their tracks?
Why, cat-nip and husb-nip
(in big canvas sacks)Was all that it took
To stop their foul warring.
And they rolled and purred
And drooled on the flooring.And as long as I kept
My fingers and toes
Away from a hubby and two cats
In nip’s throes -
My own Christmas day
Turned out merry and calm;
The ham moist and succulent,
The champagne, a balm.

When they “awoke”,
hostilities abated,
We all ate some ham
And went to bed sated.

And such peace we wish
To you and to yours:
An end to fighting;
An end to wars.

Happy Holidays!

Mike and Stacy and Rufus and Sam


UPDATE: and Trout and Dexter.

The New Cat

The new cat, Dexter, the shy stray that lived in our woods and was finally lured into the house for permanent affection and shelter, is doing fine.


He has a clean bill of health from the vet and is adjusting to the other cats.


He even has a favorite chair and poses a bit when his photo is taken. Yes, he forgets about gravity sometimes.

Glad we got him before the snows and the howling winds and the below zero temps.

Dexter the Stray Cat -- NO MORE! Updated

From last month: Dexter yawns as we bring him food in his hay house, which is outside in the front yard:


S l o w l y coming out for kibbles:


A rousing shake of the head to begin the day:


As you may know, we have been trying to get this friendly but elusive cat into the house for months. We named him Dexter and he knows his name. He always came by for food and would play and "talk" to us. He would follow me around the garden. But he was ever so cautious and wary. He did not want to be touched. Five months and no pats. Frustrating!

A live animal trap did not work. He was not fooled. However, a different stray cat was caught.

Well, anyway, good things happen to those who wait ....

Good news: Dexter, this shy, stray cat, was, finally, thanks to my wife singing Cole Porter tunes to him (Dexter loves Cole Porter tunes -- and treats), lured into the house and down the stairs to the basement. He is safe and sound, and out of the cold weather and away from wolves, fisher cats and hunters.

He now has his own space inside. He purrs and LOVES to receive pats on his large orange head. Yes, even though he was SO afraid of getting pats when he was outside, he is now an official pat-hog. Our guess: he WAS someone else's kitty and now that he's inside, he's decided getting pats is just fine, thank you very much. He even leans into pats.

Although it's early days yet (it's only been 18 hours since his arrival), I am hoping he'll make a wonderful addition -- as soon as I can lure him into the cat carrier and to the vet's for the full check-up.

And I can clear away the cat hay house before neighborhood property values drop ....

My thanks to everyone I asked for advice about trying to catch him. Many treats and Cole Porter tunes to all of you!

Update: the tunes are not by Cole Porter. My mistake. The songs were written by Leonard Bernstein with lyrics by Comden & Greene. The most sung tune is "A Little Bit in Love" from the Broadway show Wonderful Town. Mea culpa.